Here's part two of my story... give some comments on grammar, punctuation, anything will help... and in my opinion... I need all the help I can get... It's English class and it's graded **gets down on knees** Please I'm begging you... help me...
I’d quickly told the officer this and he’d relayed it over his radio He said that everything will be alright, and not to worry. Like that’s going to happen, I’d thought, looking at my mom, who was, at this point, laying in a heap of tears and wailing. I’d taken her back into the kitchen after the officer left, I’d tried to leave to make her a cup of tea but my mother clung to me, unwilling to let go. Soon my dad had come home from work, all smiles, until he'd seen our anxious demeanor. He'd gone to my mother and I’d left to make them tea and a cup of hot chocolate for myself. Hot chocolate, for me, is a stimulant, anti-depressant, and calmer, all in one; it had done me wonders when my dog died, two years earlier. I’d given my parents their tea, and went to my bedroom. Well, if you could call it that, bedroom was too loose of term, this was my cave.
My ‘cave,’ so to speak, was a collection of computers and TV’s, my bed was tucked in a corner, because for me, sleeping isn’t important. I spend most of my up here, since my parents are the antisocial, workaholic types, they didn’t notice, they didn’t care. I’d gone straight to my computer; I guess you could call it a ‘super computer’ because it’s really three computers with four separate monitors. I’d checked my email-all three of them- blog, website, everything, anything, If my sister had access to a computer-I doubt she did- she would know to leave something on one of those. Nothing, I’d sighed, sipping my hot chocolate, I’d just had to dig a little deeper. I’d set down my hot chocolate and got to work. I’d hacked into the cities camera system and brought up the one in front of my house-this wasn’t the first time I’d done this. I’d checked the plate on the car, making sure that it was the same as the one my mom had given the cop, yep, she’d got it. Then I noticed something, something I hadn’t before. I noticed that it was Mike’s car.
I’d sprinted down the stairs, spilling my hot chocolate everywhere, but I didn’t care. I’d called the police as fast as I could, asking for officer McKenly-the one who’d come to my house. He answered within a few seconds, I’d told him what I’d seen, my mom was looking at me funny, but I wasn’t paying her any attention. McKenly thanked me for this clue, and told me he would relay this breakthrough to the detective. I’d sighed as he hung up. I’d explained what I’d found to my parents after seeing their quizzical expressions. Afterward, they were shocked, just shocked.
After that I’d needed a new cup of hot chocolate. My parents hadn’t seen the huge mess, and I didn’t feel like explaining it to them. In addition to being workaholics, and antisocial, they were neat-freaks. I’d gone back upstairs and got my iPod, music, just like hot chocolate calms me. I sure hoped that mike didn’t have an alibi. I’d just lay in my room, staring at the ceiling doing nothing for about three hours. My mom came in, saying that the police had called saying that they’d found my sister. Three minutes later we were driving to the police station.
Now if you have no Idea what this is all about... read the previous post and it will all make since...
P.S. I got head-butted in the face today... not cool...
No comments:
Post a Comment