My Dad sent this email to me... And Yes... I'm from Iowa...
Rules
of IOWA
1. Pull your droopy pants up.
You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight;
it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want
to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your
Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are
cattle.
That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get
over it. Don't like it? I-80
goes east and west, I-29 & I-35 go
north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car.
We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3
weeks a year.
5. So every person in every
pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the
concept.
6. If that cell phone rings
while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your
hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the
time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish
& Mountain Oysters! You really want sushi &
caviar? It's available at the corner bait
shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the
first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest
Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women.
That is applied to all women, regardless of
age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian
special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad
and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
turkey.
11. When we fill out a table,
there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use
three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah....We don't
care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...IT AIN'T
REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in Iowa....and real chili never met a
tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my
house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary
Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a
truck, and have long hair.
13.
College and high school basketball is
as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more
fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf
courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the
fish.
15. Colleges? Try
Iowa State
University, University of
Iowa, or
University of
Northern Iowa. They come outta there with
an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at
passing pickups when they come for the
holidays.
16. We have lots of folks in
the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, The highest percent that
serve in the nation, so "Don't Mess with Iowa". If
you do, you will get whipped by the best.
Iowa is the
greatest state ever!!
If you are
from Iowa, you are
one bad hombre!!!
